Yes, Iga Ueno is known for its castle, a museum devoted to a revenge killing, and as a pottery centre, but none of these attractions can compare to its ninja heritage. Now I must admit to knowing next to nothing about historical ninja since I've been far more exposed to the popular myths surrounding them than anything resembling a fact-based historical account. Based on what I have gleaned from people who have spent more time myth-busting on the Samurai Archives than me, ninja were actually just samurai trained in espionage and guerilla type fighting, and more properly described as shinobi. Beyond the fact they more likely disguised themselves as commoners than black clad mystery men and that you should never put an "s" at the end of the word ninja, I'm pretty much tapped out. That said, I reeeeally enjoyed my visit to the Ninja House situated in Ueno Park, even if it wasn't enough to prompt a visit to the Ninja Museum right behind it.
The house well conceals its purpose as a deathtrap for unsuspecting enemies. With its thatch roof and low profile, overconfident attackers might think that they have stumbled upon the house of a farmer--or even more pitiable, a country samurai. This impression is shattered when you are greeted at the door by a young woman dressed in a purple ninja outfit! I don't know about you, but nothing says certain death to me like the sight of a smiling woman dressed in purple, even if she forgot to put on her fishnet arm stockings that day.
As my friend and I tried to decide if her smile was offered as a sign of friendship or malicious delight, we realized it was too late to turn back, because we had been trapped in the front room with a small group of elderly Japanese tourists. Our initial relief at having safety in numbers quickly dissipated when the thought occurred to us that they might not be tourists, but locals who gathered for a daily viewing of "Live Gaijin Assassination." Little did we know, but we were about to be schooled in the Deadly Ninja Arts.
Being a small attraction in a town off the beaten path, it should have come as no surprise that the entire tour was conducted in Japanese. We fought back with a couple skills of our own, Reading Context Clues and Interpreting Nonverbal Behaviour, to determine that we were being provided with a short historical overview of ninja activity in the area. Having done some reconnaissance before the visit, I already knew that Iga's mountainous borders and isolated location had made it one of two hotbeds of ninja activity in Japan.
Deadly Ninja Art #2: Concealment
We were able to overcome this tactic with our power of Vision. Our guide turned on a light to reveal a mannequin of a ninja hiding in the attic above us. At least I think it was a mannequin. Just to be safe, I shifted to the other side of my friend. Since I was the faster runner, it stood to reason that I had a better chance of escaping to share our story with the world in case she was taken down with a sudden blowpipe attack.
Deadly Ninja Art #3: Embarrassment
At this point, our guide was joined by a dextrous young man who proved that he could move through a revolving wall panel with such efficiency that one would never know there was even a door there unless one stared at it the whole time. When the guide made the universal sign for "are there any volunteers who would like to try that?", I deployed my defence of Making Myself as Small as Possible, while I thanked my cowardly inner self for having changed seats minutes earlier. My hapless friend was vulnerable sitting at the end of the row, and soon found herself being dragged up to the front of the room. Her effort to replicate the young man's success ended with the crushing image of the door slowly rotating like a rusty weather vane. Although my friend made it back to her seat without dying from embarrassment, we knew that we were facing a formidable opponent, and it would take all our wit and ingenuity to survive the rest of the tour.Deadly Ninja Art #4: Sleight of Hand
Our group proceeded to the next room, where an innocent looking elderly gentleman kneeled on the wood floor while we gathered around him. Again he spoke in Japanese, but by this point we were immune to the art of confusion, so we sat back to enjoy his dulcet voice, when a KNIFE suddenly appeared in his hand. I reached for my backpack. Before I could raise it as a shield, the knife was gone. I looked at my friend, fearing the worst. Thankfully she was unharmed. The man then proceeded to slowly demonstrate how he had moved a loose board in the floor and retrieved the blade hidden under it. After revealing his secret, he resumed the demonstration at superhuman speed, seemingly making the knife appear and disappear from his hand at will. I don't care what any fusty historian says, but after seeing a display like that, it's easy to understand why ninja had a reputation for magical abilities.
Deadly Ninja Art #5: The Vulcan Nerve Pinch
As soon as the tour ended, we made our way to the nearest exit. Before we could flee, we were intercepted by the (thankfully) weaponless man, who spoke to me in an ominous voice, "Gaijin-sama, kengaku wa oshimai desu, do omoimashita ka" which I understood to mean "Mr. Foreigner, I think it's over for you." Responding to the threat, I raised my hands in self defence. It was the last thing I remember doing.
When I came to, we were once again sitting outside the front of the ninja house. Was it all a dream? Had the tour actually even happened yet? I groggily watched as a purple kunoichi (that's female ninja, by the way) snapped a photograph of a young Japanese couple outside the front door. When she turned to us and asked if we would like a shot too, we beat a hasty retreat, leaving her standing there with a perplexed look on her face. Apparently we had already mastered Deadly Ninja Art #1.
Travis Belrose is the author of The Samurai Poet, a work of historical fiction set in 17th century Japan. Learn more here.
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